Your friends, family or colleagues have finally convinced you to give Internet dating a try. You’re ready to take the plunge and wonder what’s the best approach. The following tips from my husband and me are based on our personal experiences and the experiences of friends and coaching clients:
- Don’t get on-line as an attempt to get over your last relationship. Take time to heal your heart before entering the dating world again.
- Be honest and clear about what you’re looking for – friendship or long-term relationship.
- Write a profile that helps your future mate find you in a crowd. What makes you unique and special? For more pointers on writing a magnetic profile, click here.
- Check out what your “competition” is posting to get ideas about how to write your profile. What looks good to you and what doesn’t? Ask someone you trust who can be unbiased to proof read what you’ve written and offer suggestions.
Honesty is the Best Policy
- Be honest about where you’re coming from. Are you still married and waiting for your divorce to be final or have recently ended a long-term relationship? You don’t have to air your entire life’s laundry on your profile or on your first date, but there are things that need to come out: you’ve been divorced several times, you’ve got herpes, you’re in constant pain, you’re in recovery, you’re broke, etc. We all have “warts” and no one’s perfect. You’re looking for someone who can love and accept you as you are!
- If you’re going to post pictures, use current ones. Don’t choose photos that advertise your sexuality unless that’s the kind of relationship you’re looking for. Choose photos where you’re happy, smiling, and doing things you love. Avoid using the former couple picture where you’ve cropped out your ex.
- If you’re interested in someone, meet in person as soon as you can. Otherwise, you can invest a lot of time in someone who doesn’t turn out to be who you thought they were.
- Limit the time you spend on the dating sites. Don’t let on-line dating become an obsession that takes over. Remember, this is just one piece of the full life you’re creating.
Your Attitude Makes a Big Difference in Your Experience
- Have the attitude that this is an opportunity to practice new relationship skills, such as honoring your boundaries. Read more about this in my post Is Internet Dating Right for You?
- Focus on the positive meaning of your experiences. For example, if you’re not getting many “winks” or “flirts” then you’re not wasting time with people who wouldn’t be right for you.
- It’s OK to feel anxious and unsure. But If Internet dating causes you to feel badly, then don’t do it! Lots of people meet their beloveds in other ways.
- Don’t be afraid to be specific in what you’re looking for. If you don’t want to be around someone who smokes or drinks, say so. Don’t settle for someone who compromises your values or doesn’t treat you like the precious gem that you are!
How About You?
What tips do you have on successful Internet dating?